Gnome Attack!

England has it's little quirks, not huge oddities, just small peculiarities. For example driving on the wrong side of the road, calling floppy fried potato slices chips, or calling ham bacon. But the strangest thing I have encountered here are things I have not seen. There are gnomes living here, I have never seen them but I know they exist. They are normally harmless jovial creatures, but have a tendency to be mischievous and love to tamper with the utilities, specificly power and water. At our first stop they liked me at first because I could get the toilet to work every time, where as my renown travel companion seemed baffled at every flush. I had the magic touch, but then for some unknow and ineffable reason our fates swapped. It is to prevent mishaps such as unflushed toilets that the vigilant city of London has set up watch posts in bathrooms where one must pay for use of a known gnome free restrooms. I was quite appalled at first when I encountered the meter at the door, but once it was explained to me I happily payed the fee for a gnome free bathroom. The gnomes also have some influence over showers and the strange and mystical controls there of. In addition to all the water mishaps the electrical systems bare their own mysteries. The gnomes have successfully relocated all bathroom light switches to the out side of bathroom doors. Supposedly this is for prevention of electrocution, but I know better. Also Electrical outlets have not only metamorphosized into larger and more bazaar configurations but the voltage has doubled due to gnome presence rendering normal American appliances useless except as smoke machines. Beware!